Truth be told my battered spirit has become numb. I've defended bruises every time they've appeared. Bruise of lies, cheat, deceit. I stay in denial repeating to myself that this relationship won't be the same as the last time. I've left my soul wounded and unattended to. What if I told you I've gotten really good at hiding the shame of my choices.
But what if I finally break up with my pain, deal with my wounds, and face my choices.
I am learning my singleness is the issue my relationships.
For a while I had things so backwards. I did not feel good enough, I looked for "him" to fill the emptiness.
My most recent relationship (more like scandal) was beyond humiliating! Let's just say "she came to me as a woman" If I am brutally honest, I took him back. I know, I know you are thinking what the heck Adreeahna. The real question I had to ask myself is not why he cheated, why he lied, but why did I allowed it? Why after knowing I told myself "we are just friends" Entertaining a relationship knowing I deserved better. But did I really know I deserved better? Was I afraid to be alone? I sought out validation in him: I wanted to be seen and heard. I was over feeling overlooked and unappreciated. I had placed unrealistic expectations on another jacked up person.
I am single because its time I spend time with myself. I need to be isolated to get okay with whom I was created to be. I no longer want to be responsible for anyone else expect myself. In my singleness I want to get serious. Serious about my peace, future, mental and emotional health. I am stitching up those wounds. No longer will I tussle with past relationships and bad decisions.
Currently in this season, I am giving the love I frivolous gave away to others to myself.
So stop asking me is everything ok? What's wrong with you? You've been hanging with "Billy" quite a bit. . Listen, no I wont be getting engaged soon, I am not looking to purchase a house, and a dog is completely OUT of the question! Currently, I am dating. . . MYSELF!
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Leave me be I am healing!