"Are you ok?" "Do you need anything?" Nine times, out of ten we all answer; "Fine" "No, I'm alright." "I'm good." but truthfully we are hurting inside from a loss of job, finances, or even a rough day. But why is it that we don't allow others to show up for us? Do we not believe they really want to know how we are? Are we afraid to burden others with our problems? Is it our pride? Or are we just unsure of how to show up and/or support our friend, coworker, family member so we say nothing?
For a while I to struggled with, how do I support without fixing, minimizing, or putting a silver lining on everything? How do I remind other they arent alone? How do I show I care, without demanding they "feel" better?
Here's the truth: it it doesnt have to be complicated or poetic or even profound to be meaningful and supportive. People dont want or need to be fixed; people want and need to to be truly heard and seen.
Support Bingo are a few examples of simple yet powerful phrases we can say that doesnt take diminish someone's pain or bright side their experiences.
Next time someone you know is going through a hard time, dont say "call me if you need anything" Practice using the phrases presented above.
A few additional phrases:
I am going grocery shopping later on today, send your list I'll bring the items by later.
I've made you some dinner, what a good time to bring it by?
I know you are not ok, tell me how you are feeling.
I'll be by later to grab the kids for the evening (a couple of hours) so you can take the evening off.
What can I do for you? How can I support you?
I'll be by later with a movie and ice cream, any other special request?
I'm going for a walk later on today, Ill let you know when I am on my way to come scoop you.
Remember, simply being there means so much more!